Last week I thought about how mom burn out would be an awesome topic to touch on. Little did I know, this past week would push me all the way up to the edge.
For real though, mom tired is no joke.
Yesterday I sat on the phone with my aunt nursing the baby saying ‘I don’t know if I am going to make it out of this.’
In that moment I meant it! I mean naturally I was going to make it out. I was in pure survival mode, but there was a definite end.
People know me as the woman who has a million things going on. I mean, seriously, with 5 kids it just happens that way. Here is a snippet of this weeks events:
- Monday- 8am doctor appointment, 11am doctor appointment, 2pm doctor appointment, ongoing therapy for my daughter 12-3pm, dance 6-8pm, girl scouts 6-7pm and my husband has jujitsu on Monday evenings, we shoved school in various hours throughout the day.
- Tuesday- Kids school first thing, 11:45am doctor appointment, 2pm meeting, 3pm doctors appointment, ongoing therapy for my daughter 11am-3pm, dance 630-830pm.
- Wednesday…oh gosh Wednesday is what turned it upside down. I KNEW Monday and Tuesday would be tough, but looked forward to a break Wednesday and Thursday because my hubby had off and I was going to relaxxx… WRONG. We started dragging my daughters out the their rooms to start school. Then like a train BAM THE FREAKING FLU HIT.
Wednesday was when everything started to unravel. I was already running on empty but planned to rejuvenate those two day. However, when the flu hits, there is no rejuvenation, it is a constant state of go, go, go.
Down with the sickness.
My daughter was confirmed flu Wednesday afternoon. The doctor then wrote a script for Tamiflu for half the family that she was able. My 12 year old son and husband had an appointment set up for the following day to get their Tamiflu, and me? Well..I am mom…naturally I don’t even have a darn primary doctor!
Passing out Tamiflu like Walgreens, one kid was down, would we avoid getting it? NOPE.
Thursday comes and BAM 2 more kids feverish and down for the count. My husbands appointment got messed up so they rescheduled his for Friday but got my 12 year old son his Tamiflu. WONDERFUL! I spent my day running around the house sanitizing, nursing the growth spurt loving 9 month old, keeping kids quarantined, cleaning up the various bodily fluids and calming the shakes in each kids as fevers spiked. My husband made me go to urgent care to get myself preventative to keep the baby as safe as possible. Waiting 20 minutes in line to pick my script up (which didn’t even end up being ready) the baby screams and pukes all over his carseat.
Finally it’s time to hit my head on the pillow, 2am rolls around BAM the husband is up shaking like a leaf. Another one down, there goes my back up. I am on my own knee deep in YUCK.
We get up for the day after not a great sleep to find my 9 month old covered in a rash.
I mean, the flu clearly couldn’t be enough! With my husband and all the kids down for the count I had no choice but to tap in my 12 year old. I had to take the baby to the doctor. Tablets, baby gates and nap time. Thats how we got through that appointment. My daughters are old enough to understand they cant leave their room. The 2yr old, nap time and a movie. My husband? Shaking like a leaf in massive pain from the flu. If there was an emergency he was there and well enough to do something, but we all know rest helps you get better. Therefore, my AMAZING 12 year old kept everyone in ear shot for the short time I ran out.
Naturally, it couldn’t be something simple like a heat rash. A different virus struck the littlest. Congestion, a rash, and also resulting in a major double ear infection, I was tapped out.
Here is my white flag.
I sit here now on Saturday with everything decently back to normal, just finished up a research paper thats due tomorrow and prepping for an exam tomorrow. I was able to grocery shop, everyone is fever free. My husband still quarantined, but not feeling awful. No ones contagious anymore, and my 12 year old, the 9 month old and myself all avoided the awful influenza A virus.
This is just this week. With the exception of the flu not being an all the time occurrence (praise God!), many of my weeks look like this. Many of other moms weeks look similar. When I say we are exhausted, I mean we are literally EXHAUSTED.
24/7 it is a constant. My husband and I laugh because no matter what the kids need they will walk right by him to come to me. Half the time he stops them to give me a break from the constant questions of 4 kids.
So, fellow moms out there..when you say you are tired. I feel you to the core. There is a complete understand that emotional and physical exhaustion that over takes. I could start here on how it is important for self care and why we need a minute to ourselves. I won’t. Why won’t I tell you to take your minute?
I understand sometimes you just cant.
It would be amazing if I could take some time for myself. It would be so great if I could take a day, shoot an hour, by myself. However, that isn’t everyones realities. I know people mean well when they say to practice self care, but sometimes I need someone to HEAR me when I say I cant. My son is nursing and I cant leave him. He will scream till he pukes and just keep going. My daughter has therapy 6 times a week so that she is able to FUNCTION like everyone else can.
The two year old is a spit fire and keeps me running nonstop, because he finds the things I didn’t even know were there. Our 2nd daughter has a passion for dance like you wouldn’t believe and works relentlessly to craft her art, and that is her moment of peace in the chaos, I won’t refuse her that. My son loves to take time to show me his lego creations and quiz me about historical and science facts in the moments I have a break, I value that time with him. I have a husband who needs me and I need him just as much, I won’t neglect my marriage.
Sometimes I fall short on the priority list. I know ‘you cant pour from an empty cup’. Sometimes I am so freaking tired my entire grocery shopping is of chicken nuggets and frozen pizza. I will not TELL you to MAKE SURE you have your self care time set aside. YOU know that you need it, I don’t need to tell you. Everyone tells you this. I know your reality though, and in this season you may not have that moment.
So in this season, in this pure chaos, crazy, exhausted moment of no time for self care.
Know you are appreciated beyond words.
How do I know this?
I am you.